Wanna Be On Top?
by Dextra
Summary: Kronos has been writing horrible fanfiction for years. His goal is to be the most popular fanfiction writer ever. So, Ethan and the rest of Kronos' minions are going to help him write better by showing him what cliches he shouldn't overdo.
1. Death to Nico's Girlfriend

**A/N: This is just a random idea I thought of, like, a month ago. I never got around to actually writing it, but here it is! Kronos' minions teaching him about overused PJO plots with examples. Just watch, he_ will _be the best fanfiction writer ever! Once he learns how to at least spell his own name. **

Kronos sat at his computer with that sadistic grin on his face. Tartarus was treating him quite well these days, actually. There's a hot tub, a club, dance parties, laser light shows, Internet connection...yeah. Tartarus is awesome. Kronos even managed to kidnap his minions from the last war he had. Even the ones who didn't even die yet. He kept them tied up in his basement.

"Nakurma!" he shouted from his desk. "I request another berry smoothie! I don't want any lumps in it this time!"

Ethan hurried out of the closet with a berry smoothie and placed it in front of the Titan Lord. Curious, he looked over Kronos' shoulder to see what he was typing. It was no surprise to Ethan that Kronos was writing yet another fanfiction. It was all he did these days! Ethan skimmed quickly over the writing and scoffed when he was done. Kronos whirled around and covered up the computer screen with his body.

"What?" Kronos said, sounding outraged.

"No offense, but your writing sucks," Ethan pointed out.

It was true. Kronos was a die-hard Percabeth fan. Ninety percent of his stories were about that pairing. The other ten percent was about other cliches most fangirls wrote about. All his writing sucked, though. Bad grammar, out of character, cliched, writing was all he had.

"What are you talking about? I am so famous on this website," Kronos retorted.

"The highest amount of reviews you have is three. And they're all flames," Ethan said and Kronos looked ashamed. "Look, the other minions and I will help you. Let's look at your first story." Ethan clicked on the first link and after reading it, starting laughing again.

"What's wrong with it?" Kronos asked. "It's just a Nico/OC story. Those are the best!"

"Here, just read it," Ethan said.

* * *

Dark, Complicated Love

By Kronos

Translated to better looking grammar so people can actually understand what's going on by Ethan Nakurma

One day, Nico di Angelo went to a new boarding school. He was very negative about it, but Nico was on a mission. There was a half-blood girl who went to this school and it was his job to bring her to Camp Half Blood. Luckily, they shared all their classes together! Nico even sat next to her. What a coincidence! Weird how things work that way.

Her name was Castilia Alyssa Beautiful, or more commonly referred to as Cassy. She had long flowing, midnight black hair and the most brilliant blue eyes the world has ever seen. She wore Abercrombie and Fitch jeans and sweater. Her shoes were black high-heels with a three inch heel. She also had a diamond studded cami underneath her sweater.

Cassy and Nico instantly became friends. It was as if they were meant for each other.

"You need to come with me to Camp! You're a demigod!" Nico exclaimed to her in the middle of math class. The teacher and other students didn't notice because they were just there as background and they weren't very important.

"I always knew I was special!" Cassy shirked happily and followed Nico out of the school. They both rode away to camp on Nico's magical unicorn of lurve.

-Hours of Pointless Talking Later-

"Nico! I just found out who my godly parent is!" Cassy shouted and gave Nico a big hug. He blushed because he tends to do that a lot.

"That's great! Who?" Nico asked in a totally out of character happy way.

"It's [insert either the goddess Artemis or Nyx. Or the god Apollo here]!" she screamed excitedly.

"OMG!!!!111!" Nico and Cassy began to sequel together.

"I have to tell you something," Nico said and the mood suddenly got all angsty. "I love you."

Cassy gasped and blushed. She loved Nico from the moment she first saw him and knew he was the one.

"I love you, too," she said.

"Guuuurrlll, let's make out!" Nico said, in a voice that made him sound like he was from the "hood".

-Twenty Chapter of Pointless Romance and Making out Later-

"Ready for round two?" Nico asked and they resumed making out.

The End.

* * *

Kronos stared at his story with disbelief that he would ever think to make something like this. It was down right horrible. His eyes were going to throw up now after he read what he created.

"We can still make this a parody, though. You'll get thousands of reviews then," Ethan said and pushed Kronos out of the chair. He started to type away, pausing occasionally to change some things. Kronos hovered over his shoulder and watched in amazement.

Ethan saved the document and moved over so Kronos could read the new and improved story.

* * *

The Sequel

By Ethan

"Nico, I have something to tell you," Cassy said.

"What, my love?" Nico asked.

"My parent is really Poseidon. Percy is my brother," she said and Nico just shrugged.

"Who cares?" he asked.

"No one, I just felt like pointing it out," she responded and Percy poofed out of no where.

He looked like he meant business.

"I don't want a freaking sister!" Percy yelled.

Cassy gasped like she always did when something dramatic happened and fell over dead. Nico ran over and scooped up her body.

"Nooooooooo!!!!!!" Nico shouted towards the sky. "She was your sister!"

"Meh," Percy said.

"She was so nice and everyone loved her!" Nico pointed out.

"Meh," Percy said again.

"She was my soul mate!" Nico cried.

"I said, MEH!" Percy finalized and poofed away.

Have no fear. Nico soon got over the death of Cassy and took up the hobby of basket weaving for the elderly. Percy went out every night to party like an animal at clubs. Annabeth learned how to tie her shoes. Grover farted. And Luke won America's Next Top Model. All was as it should be. No one ever did remember Cassy...whatever the heck her name was because she really wasn't all that important.

The End for Real This Time.

* * *

**A/N: How was it? I already have a one-shot making fun of Nico/OC stories, but I thought it would be appropriate to start off with this cliche because most people don't like it. Well, most people don't like overused cliches with this pairing. I don't think all cliches are bad, just as long as they're well written and have an original twist to them. **

**Tell me what you thought, and if you want, you can tell me any overused cliche you want me to include. I'll do all suggestions along with the list I already have of unoriginal plots. **

**Hope you enjoyed and thanks for reading! Next chapter will be up soon. **


	2. Luv Party Over IM Story!

**A/N: Thanks for reviewing and faving/alerting! Glad you all like it. This was inspired by one of the worst IM stories I have ever seen. Enjoy! :)**

Kronos stared at his Nico/OC story and nodded his head with approval.

"I like it better as a parody," he said. Ethan wasn't really paying attention. No one pays attention to Kronos. "Can you fix this story?" Kronos asked and clicked on the second link.

Ethan looked over at the computer screen and shrugged. "Probably. But I'm going out clubbing with the Tartarus babes so you're on your own. Bye." And Ethan left while wearing his new clubbing underwear.

Kronos banged his head repeatedly on the keyboard until it snapped in half.

* * *

_Totally Amazing IM Fic_

_By Kronos_

One magical day, the characters of PJO got laptops. Don't ask how they got them, they just did. I mean, I could go into this long rant of how these flying flamingos flew into the Camp, bombing them with pineapples. And inside the pineapples were evil cyborgs who crawled out and ate Chiron and Dionysus so there were no more rules. Then crapped out seven fancy new laptops. Nah, I would never do that. It's too graphic for human minds.

So with their fancy new computers, random characters from the book series did the most logical thing with the computers. They made IM accounts and talked all night with them even though they were all only sitting five feet away from each other. It was the most fun they ever had! In fact, they were chatting right now.

**Screen Names-**

Percy- _TheWetOne_

Annabeth- _TheWiseOne_

Nico- _TheDarkOne_

Thalia- _TheTreeOne_

Rachel- _TheRedhairedOne_

Kronos-_TheSEXYone_

Grover-_ The Funky Chicken_

_TheWetOne has logged on_

_TheWiseOne has logged on…and so on for the rest of the people_

_TheWetOne-_OMG! Guys this is sooooo cwel!

_TheWiseOne- _Percy! Your name is like sooooooo original!

_TheTreeOne- _u guyz r soooooo annoying

_TheDarkOne- _Hey gurl! Hows it hangin?

_TheRedHairedOne- _Nico. Ur retarded. What's the point of this anyway? I mean, come on! We're all just making stupid comments about each other's screen names. If you ask me, we should be talking about things people actually talk about on AIM.

_TheSEXYone- _Stop being so technical. Go play wit ur blu hair brushes or something.

_TheTreeOne- _Guys! I just got the most amazingest idea EVAR! Percy and Annabeth should get together over IM! That would be like soooooo cute! Lolololololol

_TheSEXYone- _No. I half a bettar idea! Nico and thalia should get together even though that's totally like creppy because she's technically 21 (right?) and nico is like 12…hey the numbers are switched around! Lololololol then percy and anniebeth can like get together 2.

_TheTreeOne- _Kronos! Ur like a genius!

_TheSEXYone- _Orrrrrr you can switch it around. Nico is really a 70 year old man!

_TheDarkOne- _If I'm 70 then how com I don't has chest hair?

_TheSEXYone- _cuz I ate it.

_TheDarkOne- _thats nasty. Yo

_TheWetOne- _Anniebeth! I luffles uuuuu!!!

_TheWiseOne- _Percybeth! I luffles uuuuuu 2222!!!!

_The Funky Chicken- _THERE'S A BOMB IN MY PANTS!!!!111!!!!eleven

_TheRedhairdedOne- _People! Stop. This is so stupid. You're not making any sense! Does anyone want to explain how the hell Thalia and Kronos became friends? Or why Nico wants chest hair…

_TheDarkOne- _It makes me feel manly if I have some

_TheRedhairedOne- _Shut up! Who wants to explain why Percy and Annabeth are acting like three year olds or why Grover has a bomb in his pants? You're all flipping stupid. I'm leaving

_TheRedhairedOne has logged off_

_TheWetOne- _SOoooo anniebeth. wanna get married?

_TheWiseOne- _Yeh!

_TheSEXYone- _Hoooorrayy! I luv u guys soo much! ur like my best friends!

_TheDarkOne- _LUV PARTY!

* * *

Kronos took one last look at the IM and fic and wondered what the heck he was sniffing when he made this. Quickly he made a second chapter and posted it.

* * *

Chapter 2

Then they all mentally combusted. The End.

* * *

**A/N: -shudder- So many red sqiggly lines. Hmm, this was really stupid. But that is what most IM fics look like to me. Minus the extreme exaggeration. Ah, well. I hate how short it is too. All spelling/grammar errors were intentional in this chapter. **

**Thanks for reading and if have any ideas for cliche parodies, I will be happy to take requests. **

**`*~Dex~*`**


	3. Don't Cha Y'all Just Lurve Llamas?

Kronos worked fiercely at his computer. He was going to finish this songfic if it was the last thing he ever did. Besides unclogging the toilet, but that's a different story. Earlier, Kronos was listening to the most inspiring song ever. "You Belong With Me" by Taylor Swift. Next to Percabeth, Taylor Swift was his next favorite thing to obsess over.

He smiled to himself once he typed the last few lyrics. This had to be the best story he has ever written. And writing this great doesn't deserve a sequel until Kronos gets 34,586,957,394,836,284,048 reviews. That's not that high of a number and Kronos thought he was actually being generous. He could definitely go higher.

He clicked the "publish story" button and got up to make himself some waffles.

Kronos popped two waffles into the toaster just when his Hommie-G, Prometheus, walked in to eat some oatmeal.

"Hey, man!" Prometheus said and high-fived Kronos. "How have been?"

"I'm feeling awesome and sexier than ever! Especially since I just posted a new story on fanfiction," Kronos replied proudly.

"That's cool. What's it about?" Hommie-G asked.

"It's a Percabeth songfic to the song "You Belong With Me" By Taylor freaking Swift." Kronos lead Prometheus to the computer to show him his new story.

"Dude," Prometheus said once he finished reading the 500 word piece of crap. "This is...horrible."

Kronos felt bad now. "But I edited this time! I finally know what those monkey tail things are for!"

"Commas?" Prometheus asked.

"Yeah...so what's wrong with it?" Kronos peered over at the computer screen.

"Well, the lyrics make the story look choppy. If you take the lyrics out, you have three sentences of Annabeth and Percy kissing. Kind of boring, if you ask me," Prometheus pointed out.

Kronos sniffed. He couldn't believe it. He worked so hard on this songfic! It took him a whole ten minutes! He could have been using those ten minutes to play World of Warcraft. Instead, he wanted to give his invisible fans a Percabeth songfic. He was just trying to make the world a better place, and his stupid Hommie-G, Prometheus, just had to crush his dreams! He was worse than Ethan.

"We're not friends anymore!" Kronos cried and ran out of the room.

Prometheus stared after him, wondering how such an emotional person became the Titian Lord. He turned back to the songfic in front of him and got an idea. Quickly, he deleted Kronos's story and got to work on his own creation. Of course, it took him about ten minutes to write the story as well, but people wouldn't have to deal with the Taylor Swift part.

And thus, a master piece was born! Sort of.

Needless to say, once Prometheus posted the story on Kronos's account, Kronos did get his 34,586,957,394,836,284,048 reviews. All in less than five seconds!

* * *

_Percy and Annabeth Luffles Llamas!!!11!!_

_By Prometheus ^_^_

"Seaweed brain, I am in love with you!" Annabeth declared.

"And I am in love with you, Wise Girl!" Percy said.

Annabeth swooned into his arms and Percy wrapped his muscler arms around her. He breathed in the sweet scent of her hair and sighed happily.

_Here's a llama,_

_There's llama,_

_And another little llama,_

_Fuzzy llama,_

_Funny llama,_

_llama llama,_

_Duck_

Percy swept Annabeth off her feet and carried her over to Black Jack to be whisked away to the magical land of love. There, they will kiss passionately for hours until their lips disintegrated.

_Llama llama,_

_Cheesecake,_

_Llama,_

_Tablet,_

_Brick,_

_Potato,_

_Llama,_

_Llama llama,_

_Mushroom,_

_Llama,_

_Llama llama,_

_Duck_

They had arrived in the magical land of love! Percy carried Annabeth off of Black Jack so they could start walking to the magical castle of love.

"Percy, it's so beauitful here!" Annabeth exclaimed.

"Not quite as beauitful as you, my darling." Percy carried her off bridal style.

_Barf,_ thought Black Jack.

_I was once a treehouse,_

_I lived in a cake,_

_But I never saw the way the orange slayed the rake,_

_I was only three years dead, but it told a tale,_

_And now listen, little child to the saftey rail_

Percy and Annabeth lips met. At first it was innocent, then Annabeth deepened the kiss by pulling Percy closer. It's a good thing she ate super glue before this.

_Did you ever see a llama?_

_Kiss a llama,_

_On the llama,_

_Llama's llama,_

_Tastes of llama,_

_Llama llama,_

_Duck_

Black Jack sat there and stared in horror at the scene before him because Percy tied him to a tree outside of the castle. The tree just so happened to be in front of the window of the room Percy and Annabeth were in.

_Half a llama,_

_Twice the llama,_

_Not a llama,_

_Farmer llama,_

_Llama in a car,_

_Alarm a llama,_

_Llama,_

_Duck_

And you know, Percy and Annabeth never did remember Black Jack was still out there due to the fact their lips were now super glued together. Literally, actually. No way they're going to fit through the door now.

_Is this how it's told now?_

_Is it all so old?_

_Is it made of lemon juice?_

_Doorknob,_

_Ankle,_

_Cold,_

_Now my song is getting thin,_

_I've run out of luck,_

_Time for me to retire now,_

_And become a duck._

_And They Lived Happily Ever After, _

_The End!_

* * *

**A/N: Poor Black Jack. :( Has anyone noticed he isn't in a lot of fanfictions? Or Mrs. O'Leary?**

**Thanks to:**

**No one in particular**

**and**

**Opal Koboi the Evil**

**For submitting suggestions. :) I will do all suggestions given. I'll just add them to my list of cliche wonderment!And as always, thank you everyone for reviewing/faving/alerting. I appreciate it. **

**Hope you enjoyed the chapter and I'll see you next time!**

**Thanks for reading!**


	4. Athena is so Mean!

Kronos was sitting in his "emo corner", which he stole from Nico (don't tell him), crying his eyes out. He'll never be able to write a story without being insulted and having to turn it into a parody! Never will Kronos be able to live out his Percabeth fantasies! Never will Kronos get the microwave oven to work! He was so busy crying, that he didn't notice a man walk towards him. Yes, the man did break into his house using illegal methods, but that's a different story. This wasn't an ordinary man. It was Mr. Hippie Man, coming to bring joy and happiness.

"Hey, man, what's wrong?" asked Mr. Hippi Man.

"I'm sad." Kronos sniffed. Mr. Hippi Man nodded, pretending that he understood what Kronos said.

"Oh, you see that cow over on that mountain over there?" Mr. Hippi Man pointed to a randomly placed mountain in the middle of the living room.

You see, children, mountains form when mountain seeds fall from the sky. The mountain fairy just drops a whole bag of them on the planet. Soon, after much water and sunlight, it grows into a mountain. So that's why there's a mountain in the living room, in case you were wondering.

"Yeah, what about it?" Kronos stood up and wiped his eyes.

"You see that cow? That cow right there? On the mountain, you see him? Yeah, I'm going to go tell that cow, that cow right there on that mountain far away, that you're sad. That cow right there." Mr. Hippi Man took out his walking stick and started to hike up the mountain, leaving Kronos just utterly baffled.

For some odd reason, Mr. Hippi Man gave Kronos inspiration to write another story!

* * *

_Athena Hatez Percabeth! _

_By Kronos (Duh)_

Once upon a time, there once lived a fair maiden named Annabeth and a brave knight, Sir Percy Swimsalot. They were like, totally in love, nothing could tear them apart. Not even that huge fire breathing dragon that was destroying the beautiful kingdom, Camp Half Blood. No one really cared because dragons are fuzzy.

So Annabeth and Sir Percy were eating a totally awesome lunch that consisted of cheese, cheese, cheese, cheese, and bread. You know, it was a pretty average day. That was until the evil witch from the north, Athena, teleported using some sort of...teleporting powers or something. She did not approve of the Percabeth. You heard me right, she did not approve.

"I, Athena, do not approve of your relationship! You'll have to spend some time now convincing me otherwise! Mwhahahaha! Pwned!" The witch Athena cackled.

"Mother, you're being irrational!" Annabeth cried dramatically in fear of losing her lover.

"Honey, you need to speak in words that a three year old can understand. I skipped school because I'm Athena and I'm smart, but words arn't my thang," Athena said.

"Fine. Mother, you're being stupid!" Annabeth said instead. "I love Percy and you can't tell me what to do!"

"Dang." Percy jumped in the conversation because he felt really left out.

"He's like, a son of Poseidon, though! I won't allow it!" Athena said firmly and Annabeth huffed.

"But I love him," Annabeth reminded her mom. This was obviously the end of the argument because no one can argue with true love.

"Dang, girl!" Percy shouted again.

"Well, if you really love him, I guess it's okay," Athena finalized.

The peasants of the kingdom cheered and hats were thrown in the air. Black Jack flew down from the sky and whisked Percy and Annabeth away to the magical land of love, where the contents of chapter three happened all over again. Athena was rejoiced and loved, too because she allowed the Percabeth to happen! All was it should be.

Well, not really. The dragon was still kind of attacking the kindom and eating people and stuff. He was making a really big mess, but when you're in love you just don't notice your kingdom bursting into flames.

_The End :P_

* * *

Kronos saved the document and posted it on . He sat at his computer and refreshed his email every three seconds on the dot, just to make sure he didn't miss a review when it happened. He got one flame, a new personal best! It wasn't constructive criticism, either. It was one of those reviews that look like this"

_OMG! You suck at writing! Meh eyes burned out of meh head! You'll pay for that! Stupid._

Since Kronos had an IQ of three and a half, the review looked more like this:

_Yo, man! Dis be da most awesomest story I has evar read!_

Needless to say, Kronos felt very accomplished. That was until Mr. Hippi Man came rolling down the mountain. Literally, rolling down the mountain. He was out of breath by the time he got to the bottom, but he had an important message to give Kronos.

"Oh hey, I told him. I told the cow that you were sad. Just thought you might wanted to know," Mr. Hippi Man reported.

"Nah, it's okay! Because I just wrote the best story ever!" Kronos cheered.

"For reals? Dang, I've been looking for a pretty good fanfiction for centuries. I don't even think I remember how to read anymore!" Mr. Hippi Man used his super strength and tossed Kronos out of the chair and sat down himself. It took him a good seven months to read what you had just read. "Dude, this story sucks, no offence or anything, but it does," Mr Hippi Man honestly said.

Kronos started to cry again and started to say something, but it sounded like Chewbacca getting stabbed with a ball point pen than actual words. "Nrahahgargrrrga!"

"Dude, you want me to go tell the cow you're sad again?"

* * *

**A/N: I have no idea what is going on in this chapter. It turned out more weird than I thought it would...yeah. I've already noticed this, and I'm sure you have, too, but my title sounds like a "That's What She Said" joke. Someone said this in the reviews, too. Should I change the title, and if so, what should the new title be?**

**Thanks for reviewing, faving, and alerting!**

**And thanks for reading!**


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